As I read more about ADD (a name I’m coming to really dislike, but that’s a whole nother discussion) and look at my life with a new clarity of vision, I come to better understand mistakes I’ve made and wrong paths I’ve wandered down. After years of struggling with my job as a web content developer, I went to my supervisor last week and told her this job and I are not a good fit and I’ll be actively looking for a new job. This position demands a level of focus, attention to detail, and long-term organization that I just can’t achieve. I’ve tried for a long time to “get better” at my job, feeling all the while like the proverbial square peg in a round hole, and cursing myself for not being able to get organized and focused enough to make a real difference. I’m leaving a lot out, but suffice to say, this wasn’t a snap decision nor an uninformed one.
So I’m looking for a new gig, and not necessarily one in libraries. I’m trying to smash my preconceived notions about what I can and can’t do, job-wise. It’s not easy, though, having spent decades seeing myself one way and no looking at myself in a whole new way. I need advice, feedback, input. But I don’t need it from anyone or everyone. If you don’t understand how ADD works or how I perform at my best, I don’t need to hear from you, no matter how good your intentions or how much you care about me. I’ve gotten a lot of bad advice from good people over the years, and this is not the time for that.
If you understand ADD, if you know what my particular strengths and weaknesses are, please let me know if you’re willing to help me look for a new job. And if you don’t know about this jazz but you love me and care about my future, please wish me luck as I try to sort this stuff out.
ADDENDUM: Over on Twitter, my friend Gareth suggested that it would be much easier to help me if I could say how much I need to make at minimum. He’s right, of course, but…well, I hadn’t actually figured that out yet. I’ll get to work on that.